Saturday, June 17, 2006

A open letter to the Philadelphia Phillies

Dear Phils

Okay, it is the middle of June and I have yet to rant. So, watch out, here it comes, YOU SUCK.

Where should I begin? Let's start with my least favorite Phillie, David Bell. You are stinkin' up the place. Your defense is shotty---iffy at best. Don't even get me started on your time in the batters box. Your days in a major league (albeit Phillies) uniform are numbered my friend. I don't care if you are a baseball legacy. You stink. Get off my baseball diamond and feign another back injury.

Owner's Manuel---I know you took one for the team the other night getting tossed; but that is about all you do well. It's time to fire the manager. Dear Upper Management, I'm available.

The Starting Rotation...What starting rotation? Who are these guys? I feel for our middle relievers and closers because you are giving them so much playing time. Maybe we should put all your assess in the bullpen and let Arthur Rhodes and Tom Gordon start games...really, could it be any worse? They are starting some guy tonight, just up from Reading...should be Fugly...again and we are playing the G** D*** last place Tampa Bay Devil Rays. Opposing pitchers are hitting .230! against us! PITCHERS!!!

Bobby Abreu...what uniform will you be wearing after the trade deadline...not the red pinstripes on a Phillies uniform I fear. I see Shane Victorino taking over duties in right field. With regular playing time, his offense will pick up...and he is certain faster and more agile in the field.

On the brighter side---Pat Burrell still has the best ass is baseball.
--I imagine a Ryan Howard--Chase Utley sandwich, and I like it.
Two words, CRAB FRIES

Get your crap together Phils. The division is weak, the rocket can't bring the 'stros back into playoff contention...and the Mets...well, will they fade?

Your number "one" fan



Mandy said...

I'm and Indians fan and a Cubs fan. I feel your pain. On the bright side, my two teams play each other this week, and one of them has to win, right? :-)

NL said...

I'm a Cubs fan, so I can sympathize. We suck too! I feel your pain and frustration, Knitty D. But, wear that Philly gear proudly. No fairweather fans here!