Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Christina's Golden Globe Fashion Review

Since I had SO much fun after the Emmy's with my first fashion review, I'm doing it again...

The "Captain Tangerine Award" to Marsha Cross


Red Hed Rule: NO ORANGE!
The dress is cut TOO LOW and what the hell are those things on your shoulders? If you had won the Golden Globe, would you have been promoted to Admiral Tangerine? One thing Marsha DOES get right, the hair and makeup. BUT, it can't set of the wrongness of the dress.

Thumbs down!

The We Need Photo Shop Award: Naveen Andrews and Patrick Dempsey (aka Dr McDreamy)

If only we could get rid of their respective arm candy (sorry Barbara Hershey, I've hated you since beaches!) and photoshop ME into the photos, all would be right with the world.

The MY EYES MY EYES awards (ie my worst dressed):

Mariah Carey, Gwyneth Paltrow and Rachel Weisz the list goes on and on. (I couldn't pick just one!) It really was not a good night for fashion

So Rachel, did you take inspiration from the VanTrap family and make your dress out of curtains? I know you are pregnant, but what is up with the load NOT BEING PROPERLY TIED DOWN!

Where do I begin with Pam Anderson? Where do I end? Aren't her 15 minutes up...again...yet?

Oh Michelle...go back to Dawson's Creek. This dress looks like something one of my friends wore to our senior prom, and it wasn't pretty in suburban Cleveland either! How did she get Heath Ledger????

Gwyneth, did you get this dress from the Kmart Victorian Maternity Section? BLUCK! And I know everyone said you were "glowing," that's because you OVER BLUSHED!

Ellen...Ellen...Ellen. I will give you room for improvement as this was most likely one of your first major dress up events. But this is an utter disaster. The hair...the makeup...the dress...the fake tan only on your face. Please call me, I can help.

And last but not least, my favorite stuffed sausage, Mariah Carey. This is THE WORST she has ever looked. I have NO idea what is going on here but it is one gigante mess! She is beyond help. Someone, put her out of her misery.

And on the other end of the spectrum, these ladies have their shit together.

I have LOVED Natalie Portman since her film debut in "The Professional." Sure, she had some lipstick incidents while playing "Queen Amidala," and there was that pink wig in "Closer," but my Natalie has really grown up, and here she shows it. Total class, gorgeous features not hidden with big hair and a simple, elegant dress. Brava!

Quite frankly, I have been bored as hell with Kate's story line on "Lost." So maybe Evangeline Lilly felt my (our?) pain and decided to turn up the glamour for the Globes. The color is spectacular. She has evening hair, great accessories and she looks so happy! Two big thumbs up!

While not a fan of her "acting," I must confess, Jessica Alba looked truly amazing at the Globes. She has the best bod in Hollywood. She grew up and went glam as well. Great highlights too! (Sorry I couldn't get a better pic of the dress, they were copyrighted!)

Just because they are called the "Golden Globes" does not mean they are talking about your boobs award; Scarlett Johannsen.

This photo does not do the big fake boobs justice. Yes, she is well endowed at her baseline, but this was OUT OF CONTROL. The boys working in the NBC control room LOVED HER..."Camera 2, pull back a bit on Scarlett...let's see those globes..."

Worst use of arm candy award; Paul Giamatti and his wife. I don't even know what she is wearing, but it is ROTTEN! And what's with all the bags? Is she staying overnight at the theater??? Perhaps she thought she could hide behind his beard?

That is where I will leave things. All in all, the fashion left a lot to be desired at the Globes. Here's hoping the Oscar's are a bit better...until then...Fashionista Delicious out.

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